My life should be a book!

Whenever I start to tell my life story, many people respond with the above comment. Those people are the ones who wished they had the freedom or daring to make the life journey that I have. However, we all have dreams of an alternate reality. I wish from time to time that I had stayed in one place, with one partner, in one job. For starters, I'd be making a lot more money! Secondly, I'd have many more creature comforts, and thirdly, I'd have more friends and be well-known in my community. Starting over in a  new locale is hard work. But, as I write this, I would not trade my life experiences for the steady life dream that grips me when I'm feeling alone. However, as I age, I am increasingly draw to the "steady life" but fear that I cannot maintain it over the long-term, and I may wind up disappointing a partner. Similarly, there are those living the steady life who dream of being free but who can never actually make it real. Too many creature comforts and a steady income traps them into a life they may no longer want. They become prisoners, afraid to take a risk for fear of losing material wealth. Whichever path we choose, life is not "meant to be" any specific way. There is no right and wrong, no playbook. But can we change midstream? Can we become what we're not?

Why am I here?

I have been reflecting on how I got to the USA and why I thought I wanted to be here. I remember after I had married my soldier husband in Berlin, Germany and we were leaving for the USA how I felt. I did not want to leave. I felt it was a mistake somehow. My parents saw me off and I was heartbroken. I arrived in Denver and was made welcome by my in-laws. When we moved to Rio Rancho, New Mexico, Erik and I were not close. I had no family. I already felt a little adrift. I think I moved because it was exciting.  Over the years, I became more isolated. I married a second time for the thrill of it. My parents did not take to him. I always felt like I did not belong in America. I was different, quite apart from my accent. I have made the USA my home for over 23 years because of my children. My last child will be 15 in August 2017. Although not quite done with my prison sentence, I am very ready to move on. If I make a move back to the UK, do I fit in? More importantly, does my child fit in?

The Mayan Culture

I was offered the rare opportunity and honor to be part of the Mayan culture, even if just for a few months. I went to the creek with the women to wash clothes. Each family has their own scrubbing stone that is passed down through generations. No men are allowed.

I was invited with my family to eat with a Mayan family. Everything was hand-made. Do you know how long it takes to make a tortilla, from corn grinding to roasting over a fire that you prepare? How do you time that perfectly with the onion soup you make from scratch?

One sad visit to the Mayan village entailed a burial of a child who had died from a simple illness that could have been cured given access to modern hospitals and medicine. The whole village walked in procession to the funeral - everyone cared. A water pump was set up in the grave site since the water table is so high, the coffin would otherwise float. Imagine the parents wanting only to hear peace after their loss, and instead hearing the incessant hum, drowning out the priest's words.

The Mayans made my children's school uniforms from scratch. Each perfect, handmade shirt cost $5. How is this possible when American companies charge over $50 for a high-fashion blouse? What are we paying for? Does anyone stop to think?

I am me

Someone special asked me today what my mid-life crisis was. We automatically think of something that went wrong in out lives; after all, this is the moment when marriages fail, lives are irreversibly altered, and we take our brave leap into an alien universe, retaining minimal "normal" character traits.

Immediately leaped to mind my journey through Mexico with my children, husband. 2 boats and an ancient motorhome in 2005. What on earth was I thinking, many ask? Wasn't it dangerous, they say? Bad parent - what about your children?

Yes, Yes, and YES!!

What is life without risk? What have you experienced? What experiences formed you? How do you use that skillset to help others? I am unafraid, I am a traveler, a problem-solver, an ambassador, I get along with all people, I am interested in the human form in their environment.

I AM ME.